Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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