I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
