Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
