Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
