we're chasing vodka with high fives
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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