i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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