if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
