Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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