nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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