Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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