I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
