I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
