hell yes lets make some ravioli
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
