We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
