Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
