she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
