I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
