So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
