If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
40s are totally the cure
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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