you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize