I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
