Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
