I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
