We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We got so high we made milksteak
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
