I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
