I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
