Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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