I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
