it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
