Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
