theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
