i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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