what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize