getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
