Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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