Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the condom got lost in my hair
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
