im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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