Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
FUCK WHALES
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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