Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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