I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
