We won't sleep together?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
