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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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