So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
