I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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