my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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