you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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