am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
