I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
