ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
