I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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