How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
