somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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