Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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