ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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