I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
