i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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