you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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