So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
