Who wears a wallet chain?!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
