You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hell yes lets make some ravioli
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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