she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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