I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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