I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize